The Beginning

I used to have a post here, but it is gone, I don't know how I deleted it.  I am going to try to remember what I wrote and the emotions that I had then.

This whole thing started in January when I had abdominal pain and went to the ER.  They told me that I had a kidney stone, gave me pain meds and sent me home.  I felt that I had good care and was content to go home. I was still having some discomfort, but I thought that I was OK.

Five weeks later I had that abdominal pain again.  I went to my family Dr.  She said that I had a fibroid that needed to come out - OK that doesn't sound so bad.  Now I have to go to my gynecologist.  She saw me the next day.  She gave me another ultrasound and examined me.  When she came in and sat down after the  ultrasound I knew it wasn't good.  She said I didn't have a fibroid, it was a cyst that had to come out.  She is going to send me to an oncologist.  Wait, an ONCOLOGIST!  She said that there was a chance that it could be cancer.  The words feel in the room.  Jim's face went white.  She said that she was not that concerned, but it would be best if an oncologist took it out - then if it was something - he could take care of it.  I asked - 1 to 10 how concerned are you?  About a three.  That doesn't sound so bad.  She sent me for a ca125 blood test, just to check. 

The next day was so long.  Waiting for that test.  I needed it to come back normal - so that I could breathe.  It came back - it wasn't normal - I couldn't breathe.  The people at work tried to be there for me, but all I could think about was Jim.  His first wife died of cancer, how was I going to him that I might have cancer too.  The GYN said that it wasn't that high - there are lots of reasons it could be that high.  I tried to breathe again.

Next I saw the Oncologist.  He seemed nice and unimpressed with my ca125.  Again, it is not that high.  He said he was at a 2 out of ten in concern for cancer.  Those are pretty good odds, don't you think?  Try to breathe.  The surgery is in 5 days - that is a lot longer than you would think.