Here Comes the Week

NO MORE LOVENOX SHOTS!!!!  This morning was my last one.  I took the box and tore it up.  That felt good. 

This weekend was good and bad for me.  Friday was fun.  I went to lunch with a friend and then to dinner with my peeps from work.  It felt so good - so normal.  Chatting and talking about things other than me and my Cancer.  There was so much positive energy and I felt so much like myself again.  I so needed to feel that way.

Saturday I paid for it.  I was so tired.  Physically and emotionally.  It takes so much of my energy to hold everything together when I am out, so when I am home all the emotion comes out.  Mom and
Dad came over in the afternoon and helped clean up the house and go out to dinner.  It is nice that I don't have to worry about that.  But that has more emotions.  Mom brought over a notebook that my Grandmother wrote.  Just quotes and thoughts she liked.  Saturday was not the day for me to read it.  Just couldn't deal with that.  So Tired.

I Woke up crying on Sunday.  Just so much to face this week.  It is starting to rise up in front of me.  I just don't want to do it!  I ordered head scarves.  I thought that I was prepared for that.  I had looked at them and thought about which ones I might like.  That is different than actually purchasing.  The knowledge that I am actually going to need them.  That my hair is really going to fall out.  I knew it, but now it is real.  It broke my heart.  I wish that I was stronger and that it didn't bother me.  I really don't think that being bald is going to be that bad, it is what it represents to me that hurts.  Sometimes I'm just not that strong. 

Jim is not that strong all the time either.  He needs to fall apart sometimes too.  Sunday night was that for him.  We are both angry and sad and overwhelmed and we have to get it out.  There were a lot of tears on Sunday night.  This week is rising up in front of him also.  It is different for him, but the same.  I wish I knew how he was feeling all the time and I wish he understood how I was feeling all the time.  I know that it is not possible, but I wish it was. 

Today is going to be a lot.  three appointments.  Looming....