Today is the Dr. appointment. I am not sure how I feel about it. I want to go, but not so much. I feel pretty good in the morning. Nothing is going to change with any news that he gives me. I mean how much worse could it be? At least that is what I am telling myself.
We went to the Cancer Center at the Hospital. The Cancer Center. I don't belong here. I sit down in the waiting room. There are sick people here. People with out hair, with masks on, looking sick. I am sure that I don't belong here, but I do. I do. I just can't get my head around it.
They call us back. Jim and I go back ...even though I shouldn't be here. They take my vitals, whatever. It must have been a year until the Dr. came in. "Well, you came in at Stage 1 C 3." Wait! What did he say? Stage 1. How could that be. They told me in the Hospital that I would probably be Stage 3. I'm so happy, I'm confused. He tells me that the only place they found Cancer cells was in the wash of the cavity after they took everything out. Not in the lymph nodes or anything. Wow. This is better than we could have asked for or Prayed for.
The nurse removes the staples in my belly while we ask lots of questions. What is next, what do we do now? No IP Chemo, just IV. That sounds better. Chemo once every three weeks for 6 cycles. That is going to take five months. That is a long time. I need to get a port in my chest. I have to pick an Oncologist. I have to breath. He won't give me any future prognosis. I want him to tell me that I am going to be fine. That it will never come back. He won't. I really wish he would.
I have to concentrate on the good in this. God gave me symptoms. A lot of women don't get that. The ovary was attached to my bowel. That is why I had pain and why I am having so much trouble pooping. Now I have to take Milk of Mag and Mineral Oil. Yum! but if it makes me poop, I'll do it. I am so blessed that God gave me pain. If not . . . I can't even think of that now. He must have something for me to do. . some reason that He is making me go through all of this. I just wish I knew what it was.
I tell Mom and Dad in the waiting room. They are so relieved. That was a very long hour for them! We have lots of texts and calls to make to all the people who are praying for us. Lets go to dinner. I feel lighter now. Not relaxed. Just lighter. For now. There is still a long road ahead. . .
Misho, you are a very brave soul to share your story. I have a history of ovarian cancer in my family. My Grandmother lost her battle in 06, she was 80 but had we known that was what took her mother, we could have done things differently to save her. So, now I have this looking over my shoulder as well. I've had a CA 125 and it came back ok. My mom and sister (who was only in her early 30s) have both had full hysterectomies. I was in the hospital last year having fibroids removed around this time. That was bad enough! I can't even imagine what you went through! I am glad you had warning signs...not everyone gets that blessing. Take care and be well. --Jenn Keller, CCHS class of 90.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your story. I want to share something with you Misho, I hope it helps> I have had two medical "crisis" if you will. First, when I was 26 weeks pregnant with Parker, I went into pre-term labor, how terrifying for an OB nurse. I also had viral meningitis was Parker was 2 and Breanna was 3. Both times, I remember asking God "why me", I was a "good" person, why was he doing this to me and my family. Well, it took me a while, but I learned that as an OB nurse, patients where faced with the same issues and fear that I had faced, and I was able to talk with them and reassure them. Having to be on bed rest for 13 weeks with a 17 month old,was awful! When I told my story to others who were facing the same issue, extended bed rest, many would ask how did you get through it. I told them all the same thing, that bed rest for 13 weeks is hard, but the thought of a 26 weekier the the NICU was harder and instead of being negative about being on bedrest, I thanked God everyday, knowing that if I was still on bedrest, my baby was still in utero, which for each day was 3 less days in a NICU, so instead of dreading it, I was grateful for bedrest.
ReplyDeleteMy point is, you blogged that you now see things from the other side, as the patient. So maybe God has a similar plan for you, to be able to share your story and help give others strength. The fact that they found it at stage one instead of stage 3 is a blessing also! Be strong, take it day by day and keep blogging! I ended up with a good outcome both times and carried Parker to term, much to my doctors surprise...