Treatment #5 is done

Well # 5 is down, only one more to go.  I thought that sounded good, but it really isn't all that great.  Today is Monday and I am still on the couch.  I thought that I would be feeling better by now, but I'm not. 

I saw a new Dr. before my treatment - my Dr. is out for 6 weeks medical leave - she sent me for 3 neupogen shots in a series.  That means that I had to go to the cancer center for 5 days in a row.  Wednesday for bloodwork, Thurday, Dr. and treatment and then Friday, Saturday and Sunday for shots.  That is way toooo many days in a row.  And they are not making me feel any better.  I really thought that they would help me feel better faster, but they are not.  I have so little energy this time around.  I am also taking steroids - they are supposed to help me, but they just seem to make me more emotional and I sure don't need any help there - I am pleany emotional on my own. 

I just feel like I want this to over so badly that the end is getting farther away each time I look for it.  The end is in sight, but I just can't get there.  I am so tired of being tired that I just can't explaine it.  I have been watching the Olympic Trials on TV this week and I am jealous on so many levels.  Everyone is so healthy and strong, doing what they want to do and moving on with their lives.  I am on the couch, unable to do what I want and am weaker than I have ever flet before.  Last summer I was running - this summer ... not so much. 

Devin's graduation party is this weekend and we are trying to get everthing ready ahead of time and I am not much help.  I want to, but I just don't have the energy.  It is just discourging.  I just want to be done.  I thought that I would be stronger.  That I was young and in good shape and I would march through this.  I don't feel strong any more - physically or mentally. 

I am counting down the days.  I know that it won't be long and then all I will have to do is heal.  I am sure that it will take longer than I want it to, but I know that I will heal and I will be strong again.  I know that those days are coming.  That I will be the same person I used to be.  I know that they are coming - I just am geting impatient for them. 

I am sitting outside typing today.  It has cooled off and the birds are cherping.  It is nice just siting and waiting for the bear to come by again.  I really am lucky - some days it is just hard to remember that.