Hi, I know it has been a While

Sorry that it has been so long.  We have had a lot going on around here lately.  Devin Graduated from High School this week.  That has been fun, but also a bit stressful.  We had company and did a few meals here at the house.  I was not all that much help, but I tried. 

Jim and I went to the beach last weekend.  It was supposed to be a relaxing getaway, some fun for the two of us - so that we could forget - we could not.  I know that it was because we did so much on Friday - driving, shopping, eating out - but Saturday I was without energy - completely.  I really couldn't do anything.  We tried to walk on the beach and I had to take a break - we didn't walk that far - I was so tired.  I felt the worst I have felt during this whole thing.  I didn't like it at all.  I just wanted to have fun and I was tired.  We came home on Monday - it took seven hours - it usually takes four. 

Tuesday was Baccalaureate for Devin's Graduation.  Her Aunt and Uncle had come to visit and see Devin graduate.  We had a nice dinner here and then went to the service.  There were 700 people there.  I tried, but I was really tired.  I hate that. 

I went to the Dr. on Wednesday.  Blood work and then an appointment with doctor.  Yet again I was unprepared for what was to come.  I knew that I had not been feeling as well as I should, but I thought that I would just try my blood work again on Monday.  My counts were much lower then they had ever been - they were in the toilet!  I should probably not have gone to Baccalaureate - or at least should have worn a mask.  Now I need a shot of Neupogen - to boost my bone marrow - that hurt!  There is nothing to do about the platelets.  They just have to have time.  They need to be 100 - mine were 49 - a long way to go.  Next is a whirl of new appointments - my Dr is going on leave for six weeks  - so now I have to see someone else next time.  I was again overwhelmed.  Everything that I had planed on over the next few weeks is all up in the air now. 

Graduation was Wednesday night.  We had sandwiches here at the house.  I tried - but I was tired and  overwhelmed on lots of levels.  I just didn't know which way to turn.  Oh, by the way, Jim's Mom fell and went to the hospital on Tuesday at six in the morning, just to add to the fun.  She is OK, but still one more thing on our plate this week.

I am so tired - physically and mentally.  I have no energy - I want to do stuff, but there is just not enough  energy to be had.  I am so tired of this whole thing.  I know that I am half way, but it doesn't feel like it - it feels like forever.  It feels like it will never end. I want to feel good again - like my self again - it feels like that will never happen.  I know that there are people who have it way worse than I do.  I try to remember that, but it is hard.  This whole thing is hard.