Home

This was my first goal.  To get home.  Well yet again.  This is harder than I thought.  The ride home was fine, I had 2 percocet.  I don't know what I would have done with out the percocet.  To get into my house I had to go up one step.  ONE STEP.  How hard could that be?  Well harder than I was expecting.  All I wanted to do was get on the couch.  That was a long walk. 

It was so good to be home.  I'll be so much better now that I am home.  The cards and flowers started to arrive.  Wow there are a lot of people there for me and for Jim and my family.  It was so hard to take everything in while I was in the hospital.  But now it starts to sink in.  All I keep hearing is that everyone is praying for me and that I am on every prayer chain.  Some of the churches I don't even know anyone.  I'm sure that I would not have gotten this far with out all of these prayers.  I can feel them everyday.  I need them every day.  How else am I ever going to get through this?  Everyday is such a challenge.  I don't like these challenges. 

Now that I am home all I want to do is take a shower.  It will feel so good.  Wash off all the hospital smell.  I'll just go upstairs, take a shower, brush my teeth and go to bed in my very own bed.  All will be back to normal then.  Right?  Again.  Harder than I thought.  I stood at the bottom of the steps.  Wow there are a lot of steps.  Here are those prayers again.  No other way am I going to get up those steps - I had trouble with the ONE to get into the house.  How am I going to get up 14.  Here we go!  one at a time.  I am so exhausted.  i can't believe how much energy it takes to go up every step.  Next is the shower.  Nothing like having your mother giving you a shower when you're 41.  A little embarrassing, but what would I do without my parents.  They are doing their best to hold us up, but I think they need some holding up too.  They won't cry in front of me.  Which I appreciate, but I know that it is in there.  I know the tears are in me, waiting to come out when I can think again.  Now I am so exhausted I can barely stand up in the shower.  I don;t think I have enough energy to brush my teeth.  I need to sit down.  My mom brushes my hair and helps me brush my teeth while I sit on the side of the tub.  I can't do anything on my own.  Wow I need to get used to this.  The bed never seemed so far away.  Another long walk, I'm not sure I have the energy.  I can't even get into bed.  I need a step stool.  Everything is so much harder than I thought.  I know that I keep saying that, but every step is a new adventure.  They say that everyday will get easier.  I sure hope so.  Now I just need to sleep.