Three Down Three to Go

Well I'm half way.  It doesn't feel like it.  It feels like I still have a long way. 

This time was hard because when I went to the Dr. before my treatment, my platelets and white cells were down.  I had thought that I had come back so well from my second treatment.  I felt so good.  I was shocked.  They talked about pushing me back by a few days.  I know that doesn't sound like much, but I was holding on to July 12th pretty hard.  I want to be done!  If they push it back - when will the end be?  It will be unknown and we all know how much I like the unknown! 

I am not coming back as well this time either.  I'm more tired and not much energy.  I am not sleeping very well either.  I did OK on Saturday, got around and did some laundry and helped cook, but I paid for it on Sunday.  I really didn't get off the couch much at all.  It is so hard to go up and down like that.  I want to go up and never down, but I know that I can't do that - but I want to.  Monday and Tuesday were just OK.  Did a little and then rested.  Had trouble pooping too.  I know that it is not nice to talk about, but there it is - Chemo makes you constipated!  I didn't poop for four days!  I pooped this morning so I am feeling better, but really four days- Yuck! 

I am tired of this whole thing.  I want it to be over.  I know that it isn't, but I really want it to be.  Devin's Graduation is coming up and there is so much going on and I want to be normal - like nothing is wrong.  I know that my bald head is kind of hard to miss, but I wish that I could just blend in - but I can't.  I have Dr. appointments right before  graduation and treatment right after.  It just seems like a lot and I am tired of it.  I just want to be well again - strong again - normal again - but I'm not.