It's All Gone!

It is finally over.  I shaved my head.  I am now bald! and it's not that bad.

I had been worrying about this since the beginning.  The Dr. told me that I would loose everything.  I couldn't imagine how I would look with out hair.  I knew that I would look sick and that people would stare.  I hated the thought of that.  I spent so much energy on it.  There was hair everywhere, on the couch, in my clothes and all over the bathroom.  I was so tired of it.  I cried every time I got in the shower - seeing all the hair in my hands, wonder how much would be left on my head when I was done.  It was so "heavy" caring all that fear around. 

Shaving it was really hard - seeing the clippers and watching what hair I had fall on the floor.  Very traumatic.  But once it was done - it was so liberating.  No more fear or worrying.  It felt so light - physically and emotionally.  I cleaned up all the hair from all over the house.  It is over.  It feels good. 

I know that people look at me, but I don't care.  This is me now.  I don't like wearing hats and scarves, they make my head itch.  I thought that I would be cold, but I'm not.  It feels better just being bald.  I went to a shower on Sunday and I took my hat off and was just bald.  No big deal.  Some people looked at me funny, but I can handle it better than I thought. 

For once I can say that I am stronger than I thought.