Hi, I'm back again

Hi everyone, sorry that it has been so long.  Things have been a little crazy around here.  I am feeling better a little at a time.  I wish it was faster, but I am on my way to being myself again.  I don't have the stamina that I wish I had, but at least I am moving around again.  I usually have a few good days where I feel almost normal, but then the next few days I am on the couch again - the time on the couch seems to be getting shorter.  I have tried to start exercising - boy am I out of shape. Six months of being sedentary has taken it's tole on my body - that and being cut up like a Christmas Turkey! 

My hair is starting to come back.  It just makes my head and face look dirty.  I'm glad that it is coming back though.  I am not glad that my 'old lady hairs' and my mustache came back first and in full force.  I thought that they might not - that would have been one good thing about this whole thing, but I guess I will just continue to be hairy. 

I had a ca125 and a cat scan last week and they both came back NORMAL!!  I am so relieved, to say the least.  I was not really worried, but it is nice to hear it.  Next I have two appointments with my surgeon and my oncologist in two weeks and then I can get my ports out.  That will make me very happy!

Devin has gone off to college this past week.  That has been a bit traumatic here at home.  Her father and I delivered her to school on Saturday.  It was hard to leave her there, but we are so proud of her.  The house is a little quiet and the dog is missing her alot - as is her Dad. 

Jim's Mom has also been in and out of the hospital and a local nursing home in the last few months.  That has been weighing on us greatly. 

Apple dumpling weekend is coming fast.  I know that I won't be able to do what I did in the past, but I should be able to help some.  Probably a sitting job - I always wanted one of those - not like this, but I guess I'll just take what I can get. 

All in all, we are on our way to feeling better and getting back to a 'Normal' life - what ever that is.

No Mastectomies for Me!!

I got a call yesterday from my Dr. - I do NOT have the gene mutation for breast cancer!  I am so relieved!  There is a gene that connects breast cancer and ovarian cancer, so if I had the mutation in that gene my risk of developing breast cancer would have been very high.  If I had the mutation then my family would have to be tested for it as well. Now we don't even have to think about that any more.  It has always in the back of my mind, wondering if I was going to need more surgery.  Thinking about all the pain it would cause me and all the fear that others in my family would have to think about the same things that I have been thinking about for months.  I am so glad that none of us have to think about it again.  My Mom said that she wasn't that woried about it - that only 4% of women have the mutation.  I can't play the odds any more!

I am so glad that I am done with treatment.  It feels good.  I wish that I was healed already.  I am impatiet to be strong and myself.  I felt pretty good for a few days, but now I am going down again.  I am sure that my hemaglobin is going in the toilet.  I am so out of breath today and it is getting worse.  I go for bloodwork tomorrow in the morning and I am sure that I will need blood.  I hate to have it, but it will make me feel better - then I will be able to go up the steps with out feeling like I just ran a mile! 

It is frustrating to not be better - I'm done and now I want to be done done - be myself again.  I will be strong again - I will be myself again.  I know that I will.  I just want it to be now! 

I Caught the Carrot

I finally caught the carrot.  Yesterday was my last treatment!  I can't believe that it is finally over.  I am so tired, but now I know that I am on the way up and I don't have to go down again. 

Treatment Tomorrow

It is like a carrot on a stick.  They just keep dangling the end of this thing - or nightmare, depending on how you look at it - in front of my nose and pulling it away.  I had blood work today - expecting my platelets to be back again.  Well, they were, but my white counts were to low.  Was not expecting that. 

The Dr. said that I could try today for my treatment if my platelets came up.  So I went in today - accessed my port and had my blood work drawn - and waited for them to tell me that I could go.  They did not.  Dr. Said NO.  But I got a neupogen shot and I can have my treatment for sure tomorrow. 

I feel like it is never going to be over.  I get myself all worked up and then get shot down - twice now.  I am glad that I know tomorrow will be it.   Then there will be a whole new set of things to think about, but for now I am going to be happy when I am done.

No Treatment Tomorrow

Got my bloodwork done today and it is in the toilet again.  Well not really - just my platelets are.  They are 77 and they need to be over 100.  Dr. says that I have to wait until next Thursday.  I have an appointment with her in the morning - hopefully I can try my bloodwork again on Monday.  We will see. 

Soooo sad today. 

Three days to Go

Three days until my last treatment - if it goes.  I am feeling a lot better since my transfusion.  I'm really glad that I got it  - even though I didn't want to do it. 

Yesterday Jim, Devin and I entered some of our art work into a show in Wilkes Barre. I had played around with some crayons and some water colors - It was fun - sort of freeing.  Got a bunch of feelings out without really realizing it.  They just sort of fell out onto the paper.  They aren't any good, but they mean something to me. 

After we dropped our stuff of we went shopping for Devin's dorm room.  That was kind of fun and I had enough energy to do it.  Last week I would not have been able to do it. 

Now I am just counting down to Thursday.  Tuesday I get a neupogen shot, blood work and another shot on Wednesday and then Dr. and treatment on Thursday.  Almost done!

Doughnuts for Blood

Yesterday I got my Stwo units of blood.  It went OK.  No real problems.  We stopped and picked up doughnuts for everyone at the Cancer Center.  The intake guy saw the doughnuts and said " Doughnuts for Blood"  It made me laugh.  I hated getting the blood.  Knowing that Someone else was a part of me now.  I am glad that I got it - that it was available to me.  I do feel better.  I have more energy and Jim says that I have a lot more color now. 

Six more days until my last treatment - if it goes.  I just keep counting down - hoping.  It feels like it will never get here.