Going Back to Work

The time has come.  I am going back to work - part time anyway.  Not until November 8th, but now I have a hard date.  I am scared.  I have been out of work since February - Valentines Day.  That was a really long time ago.  What if I have forgotten everything?  What if the Chemo has fried my brain?  What if my brain just doesn't work like it used to?  I am going to have patients depending on me to take good care of them - what if I can't?  What if? What if?  What if ???  I know that sounds like a lot of 'what if's, but there they are.  I used to be so sure of myself at work - I have done this job for almost fifteen years - I have seen a lot of things go down and I was always sure of what was expected of me.  Now - I am not the same person - I have Changed!  Some changes have been for the best - I'm sure.  But some ...now I am less sure of myself, of my body.  My body has let me down - now I just don't know how it will react to anything anymore.  I'm sure it will all be fine and it will all come back to me - like riding a bike.... I'm sure . . . 

I am getting better.  I have hair now!  Enough to Wash!!!  I washed my hair today!  I know that to everyone else that is an everyday thing, but I can't even remember the last time I had enough hair to wash.  Now I am waiting for it to be long enough to color again - I hate the Gray.  I haven't seen my natural color in a really long time - maybe College?  and there is way more gray than I remember!  I stopped into the hair dresser the other day.  Just to say Hi and I was hoping he would say "Sure there is enough to color it"  He didn't.  He said maybe by the Holidays.  I guess I should just be happy that I can wash it.  And now I have enough hair to shave my legs.  I am not so happy about that, but it is another way that I am back to normal. 

I am ashamed to say that I have not been working out since my ports came out.  I was sore and tired and I just didn't do it.  I am confessing to you - my faithful readers.  I am going to get back on that horse this week - I promise.  I am accountable to you - so I have to.  Thank you for that - with out you readers I would just forget it - be lazy - and never get back into shape.  But with you - I will!

Thanks for all the prayers and support - I can feel it!